Co-sleeping (or bed-sharing) can be a controversial topic in the sleep world. And hot on its heels, the question of whether it’s possible to co-sleep and “sleep train” simultaneously.

In my experience, parents generally fall into three camps on co-sleeping: those parents who feel it is the best practice for their child/family and are purposefully and happily co-sleeping, those parents who can’t imagine sharing a bed with their own child or why anyone else would choose to do so, and finally, those parents who never intended to share a bed with their child but have found themselves doing exactly that because it’s the only way they can get their child to sleep.

Regardless of which school of thought most closely aligns with your own beliefs, you’re probably wondering what the answer to the question is. Is it possible to teach your little one independent sleep skills while bed-sharing?

The short answer: no.

You may have some success teaching your babe how to sleep more independently while co-sleeping, but it will most likely be limited, simply because there are so many distractions during the night and it is very confusing for your little one.

Co-sleeping clients who would like to work with me either want to continue bed-sharing and improve their child’s sleep or have fallen into co-sleeping unintentionally and want to transition their child to their own crib or bed.

For those families who are bed-sharing and wish to continue doing so, I am happy to support you in teaching your little one independent sleep skills when you’re ready to transition your babe to a crib or bed. It’s very common for babies who are co-sleeping to be breastfeeding frequently throughout the night, and it is almost always a sleep prop in this situation. A sleep prop is simply something (or someone) your little one depends upon to get themselves to sleep.

Your babe wakes naturally at the end of a sleep cycle during the night and looks to the breast to get back to sleep, not because of hunger. For babies who have breastfeeding as a sleep prop, you can imagine how difficult it would be for them to learn how to get to sleep on their own (without breastfeeding) when they’re sleeping right next to mom.

As well, when your babe wakes naturally through the night and sees mom or dad – their absolute favourite person in the world – it’s easy to understand why they wouldn’t want to go back sleep, even at 2.30am. They are excited to see you and want to play, rather than sleep.

For these reasons, attempting to teach your little one independent sleep skills while co-sleeping can be very confusing. I recommend waiting until you’re ready to move them to their own sleeping surface. I want to make an important distinction here: bed-sharing and room sharing are two very different things, and there are lots of options to teach your little one how to sleep on their own while sharing a room. In fact, Health Canada advises against bed-sharing and recommends room sharing for the first few months of a baby’s life.

For those families who are bed-sharing and wish they weren’t, I can most definitely help. If this is you, know that you are not alone, and there is a solution to your sleep struggles. I work with many families who want to transition their children into their own beds or their own rooms, and just aren’t sure how to go about it. I create customized plans that take into account your child’s developmental stage, age, personality, established sleep habits, your lifestyle, and your parenting style. You can teach your babe to sleep independently, all night long, in their own space, which also gives you the chance to get some much needed rest too.

Whether you’ve been happily bed-sharing and you’re ready to make a change, or you’re not sure how you got into this situation and you’re desperate to have your bed back to yourself, teaching your child independent sleep skills doesn’t mean you can’t ever again enjoy that time snuggled up in your bed together.

It does mean that both you and your child will be well-rested, happier, healthier, and still be able to find times to cozy up together. I don’t recommend doing this in the early stages of learning to sleep independently, because it can be confusing for your babe, but after they’ve got the hang of things, there’s no reason not to snuggle up in bed for an afternoon movie or enjoy breakfast in bed on a Sunday morning. I’m a mama myself, and I love cuddling up in bed with my husband and our babe; I know how lovely that can be.

If you’re happy with your current sleeping arrangements, I’m not here to change your approach. But if you are co-sleeping and you wish you weren’t, I would love to help. You can teach your babe how to sleep independently in their own bed or crib, and with the support of a sleep expert, it’s probably not as impossible as you think!

Can I Co-Sleep and "Sleep Train"?